


The Mission: 121 Days

by MelodyInTheMist



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Fitz Comatose, Set during and before S02 E03, Short chapters (Around 1k each), Simmons gets better at lying, Undercover as Hydra, skimmons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2419175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyInTheMist/pseuds/MelodyInTheMist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fury had first assigned her the mission she thought he must have been joking. Jemma Simmons as an undercover agent, who in their right mind would think her suitable for the job? But now, as she feels the weight of the cold steel under her fingertips and the jolt that runs through her body as she pulls the trigger, she realises that this is no joke. This is her life. Working for A.R.R.O.W., a secret organisation run by no other than Nick Fury himself with S.H.I.E.L.D. at the heart of everything she does, lying to her team and leaving Fitz behind for reasons greater than either of them. Going into the largest known Hydra facility alone and gathering as much Intel as she can on anything and everything that gets in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s way as it is rebuilt from the ground up. But there is one question that constantly haunts her waking mind: Is it really worth the risks?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jemma has just woken up on the helicopter after Fury found her and Fitz in the middle of the ocean.

Day 01

 

 

When she wakes up in the chamber, the first though on her mind is Fitz. He had saved her, sacrificed everything just to ensure her safety and now -if she could -she had to return the favour. "Fitz!" It comes out as a cry, not a name. "Easy, easy. His heart's still beating, just barely. I have a full med-team with him but you have to remain in this chamber, okay? His brain was without oxygen for a long time but you saved him." The words are like music to her ears, Fitz is alive, he will make it. But she didn't save him. "It was the other way around, how did you find us?" Although she doesn't really care for an answer it seems like the right thing to ask. "That makeshift beacon of yours, good thinking. It lead us right to you, lucky we were looking." Of course it was the beacon, she thinks. Fitz wouldn't have made it if he hadn't thought it vital to their - _her_ -survival. But that leads her to wonder, "You were looking?" It makes no sense for the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. (or whatever is left of S.H.I.E .L.D.) to be cruising in a helicopter over the middle of the ocean. "For my man Coulson, I understand you're involved in a dispute I might want a way in on. Do you have anything that might lead me to him?" She smiles, but it is hollow as she feels no happiness inside of her at the moment.

Much later -once she has been allowed out of the chamber and told what is happening and where she is being taken -Fury stands by her side, both watching through a screen as the medical staff work on trying to keep Fitz alive. He clears his throat, never tearing his eyes from the scene in front of him and starts talking. "Agent Simmons, I know this probably isn't the best time but I would like to recruit you." She doesn't want to speak, she needs to keep her full attention on the rise and fall of Fitz's chest because if she doesn't then it might lay still. Fury turns to her now, silently trying to exhort an answer from her. She sighs, replying in a dull tone "I am already an agent, Director. There is no need to recruit me." A shallow laugh sounds from his lungs, bitter and dry. "I mean for a mission, Agent Simmons. Some undercover work." She audibly scoffs at his request, "I'm afraid that I cannot cope undercover, sir." But a voice in the back of her mind is telling her to accept anyway, what has she got to lose? "Surely after everything that has happened recently you could manage. For someone not cleared for field work you do an awful lot of it Simmons, I'd have faith in you being able to pull it off." She looks him in the eye to see if he is being serious, her gaze leaving Fitz for the first time in hours and he looks highly convinced of her potential. She shrugs, too emotionally and physically drained to come up with any sort of answer. "Maybe I could, but what would be the point? There is no S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore, sir. What could I possible do to make a difference to that?" She feels defeated, the weight of her words crushing all of the hopes from her."The point? Do you know what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for Agents Simmons? The point is to keep this world in order and stop society from being torn apart. We are the line between human technology and alien technology, we are what keep humanity from destroying itself every other day of the week but Simmons, we too are only human. Not everything we do will run smoothly and this is just a minor setback for S.H.I.E.L.D. because it can only be more than that if we let it be, and we need to believe that everything we do makes a difference, otherwise all is for nothing. This mission is critical to the survival of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the fall of its enemies." She processes his word slowly and then turns her stare back to Fitz, after a while Fury sighs and starts to walk away. She doesn't know why she does it or what use it will be but she calls out to him as he goes. "I accept."

By the time they reach the Playground she is fully briefed on her mission and when she will become an active A.R.R.O.W. agent. Fury had agreed with her conditions that they waited until she was sure Fitz was okay and until the team had settled in and soon-to-be-Director Coulson had started to get thing up and running again before she left. Fitz was loaded into the med-bay and she was given a tour by Billy Koenig -a clone one of Fury's most trusted and valued agents who had past away several years ago -but didn't pay very close attention to the layout of the new S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, wishing that he would hurry up and show her the bunks so that she could get some well needed sleep. The team weren't due to arrive for another two days so she had lots of time to prepare for what she could and couldn't tell them which came to her as a relief. She excelled at preparation. Once the tour was over and she had officially walked two miles up and down the seamlessly endless corridors and staircases Koenig showed her to her room and she collapsed onto the bed, all of the stresses from the last few weeks lifting from her shoulders as she fell into a deep slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

Day 02

 

She wakes up from nightmares where her lungs are filled with water and Fitz lays dead in the ocean and looks at her clock. It reads 4am. She tries to get back to sleep but whenever she gets close she starts to feel the water submerging her and fully awakens once more. She remembers everything that has happened over the last 48 hours and wonders what on earth she had been thinking when she signed up to be an undercover agent. But that thought is soon swept from her mind when her legs get restless and she decides to visit Fitz in the med-bay. She drags herself down the spiraling hallways and up the hundreds of stairs, trying to remember where to go before she finally finds it, eerie and cold in the emergency lighting used for the hours of the night that aren't meant to be inhabited by the living. She has to use all of her strength to open the steel doors which creak and screeches open noisily and the sight she sees is haunting. Fitz lies on a hospital bed in the middle of the room under a spotlight, tubes connecting him to different machines and dark concrete walls that remind her of death. She shudders inwardly and steps forwards, her feet sore against the tiled flooring and scrapes a chair along the ground to Fitz's bedside, holding one of his hands between both of hers and letting tears roll freely down her cheeks.

Hours later once she had run out of tears and the doctors had pestered her enough she reluctantly left to go back to her room. On her way there she heard Koenig speaking to somebody and wandered down another set of passageways to listen. He seems to be laughing about something and then she hears another voice -pleading and begging - "No, don't do it please!" Then she heard a gunshot, as sharp as the sound of the pod door bursting inwards when she was trapped under water and afterwards there is silence. She bursts into the room and looks around, confused when she only finds Koenig sitting at his desk using his laptop. "Agent Simmons! I didn't expect you to be awake so early, sorry about this." Her face feels flustered and she asks him "I heard voices and a gunshot, what is happening?" He scratches the back of his neck and beckons her over, turn his laptop around for her to see, "Yes, well.. I was playing Call of Duty." She laughs a small, forced sound of relief and looks up to see the screen displaying a kill-cam. "Oh, thank goodness for that. But who was I hearing?" He lights up instantly at her question. "My brother! Well, not Eric. He unfortunately passed away just recently but I was playing with Sam; my other brother." She nods along to his words, not paying him any piece of mind whatsoever. "Right, well seeing as you are busy I suppose I'll just go. Maybe get to know my way around the new lab." He nods to her and returns to his game as she walks out of the room. She reaches the new lab in next to no time, it being one of the only places she took mental note of how to locate and instantly takes a strong disliking for the atmosphere. It's too big, meaning that it will probably be a shared lab rather than just belonging to her and Fitz. Or just her... She shakes her head, as though to erase the thought from her mind and looks around. There are two holotables both of which are smaller than her old one but a lot more of the other equipments. She opens the door at the back of the lab assuming she will find a store cupboard but finds a whole store room, about the size of her lab as sci-opps and filled with shelves of all sorts of chemicals. She is in a bio-chemists heaven but when she tries to undertake experiments that she had been working on recently she keeps speaking to herself and it doesn't feel right to be in the lab without Fitz so she goes back to her room and lies down to go back to sleep.

When she wakes up at around 6pm she goes to take a shower hoping that it will help to clear her head but when she stands under the cold spray of water and closes her eyes she is back down in the ocean, fighting the water that tries to fill her lungs and keeping her mouth shut to keep from screaming out. Then she sees Fitz, lying on the hospital bed and unable to even breathe by himself. She can't take anymore of the thoughts running through her head so turns off the shower and dries herself quickly and harshly to make sure and get rid of every bit of water covering her body. Her efforts fail as she is unable to stop the teardrops streaming from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She has no clothes in this place so slips into her dirty and slightly blood-stained clothes from the past two days and hopes that her team don't arrive early. They can't see her like this, at her absolute worst. She warily inches closer to Fitz body, lying so still that it seems unhealthy. Unhuman. But when she sits next to him and feels the warmth of his hand against hers he looks like he is just sleeping, like he will wake up at any second having played a trick on her. But he isn't just asleep, she reminds herself. He is in a coma and probably won't wake up for a long time but she needs him to be awake faster, she feels so lost without him by her side and like half of her soul has been torn away. For the past 4 years they haven't spent more than a day apart, studying together, sharing an apartment together and more recently living on the bus together. It seems rather odd now that she thinks about but she couldn't imagine spending her life with anybody but Fitz anymore, even though she will never love him in the same way he does her.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 03

 

Her team are due back at some point today, and she doesn't know if she can handle that. They are going to ask her questions about Fitz and about everything that happened to them and she will have to lie and attempt to keep it together for a little while but she feels so fragile, like the slightest touch could cause her to break down. She keeps reminding herself to breathe and power through and she keeps willing Fitz to take a single breath. She hasn't been able to shower since the first incident but she really doesn't want the team to see her like this either what with her three day old clothes that have also been serving as pyjamas. But showering is not an option at the moment and a bath would be even worse so she has no choice. She spends most of the day by Fitz's side, awaiting the call that Koenig promised to make when they finally arrived but they are taking their sweet time in getting here and she is getting agitated waiting so she walks to the hanger and paces while she waits. She gets tired and dizzy from it soon after and has to stop and sit down. She looks down at her watch and sees that it is already 10pm but she is tired of waiting and feels like she is going to fall asleep if she sits here any longer so she gets up and ventures through the corridors in search of the kitchen. She thinks she is going in circles because 10:30pm rolls around and she is still searching but then she finds it, hidden in a mess of corridors and stairways. She puts the kettle on for tea, making sure she has enough water to fill two mugs and finds some bread in a cupboard and places it in the toaster. She realises that she hasn't eaten a thing since she got there and eats an extra slice of toast to make up for it. She brews two teas when the kettle boils and leaves one on the counter feeling ashamed that she had made one for Fitz as well without even thinking about it. She pours it down the sink and drinks hers quickly, it is already 11:15pm and unless there have been complications her team should be back any second now so she hurries to get back in time for their arrival.

She gets lost on her way back to the hanger and finds herself back in the med-bay but when she goes in something is wrong. The doctors are unplugging the machinery and Fitz is being lifted carelessly off of the bed and into a body bag. "Stop." She whispers pleadingly, "STOP!" She now demands, tears of anger and confusion forming in her eyes. One of the doctors looks over at her for a second but then returns to his work as though she hadn't said anything. She runs over to Fitz and panics when she can't find a pulse and his eyes are glassed over staring at the ceiling. She tries to do chest compressions but the doctors push her away and she falls to the ground. She wakes with a start and looks up to see the plane landing in the hanger. She longs to go and check on Fitz but she needs to see her team more urgently so she stands up and walks over to the bus. Skye runs to her instantly and envelops her into her arms and she returns the embrace on queue, glad to have her team back. The hug is over too quickly for her liking and then the questions start, "Fitz, is he okay? Please tell me he's okay." Skye says in a rush. "He's alive." She answers shortly, unable to say anything more without risking tears. She doesn't really pay attention after that, feeling exhausted already. Koenig comes over and starts to ramble on about the same things he told her when she first arrived and given that it is nearing 2am, you doubt that they pay him any mind either. He wants to give them a tour but they refuse, insisting that they stay on the bus for tonight and start to figure things out tomorrow which she agrees with almost too quickly, rather dreading the thought of another trek all through S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. They turn to board the bus and she hesitates before she follows them, not wanting to relive the events that happened on the bus. Skye must notice because she turns back towards her and offers out her hand for her to take before asking quietly, "Want to show me to the bunks?" She nods slowly and slides their hands together, interlocking their fingers perfectly. On her was she passes the med-bay and stops in her tracks when Skye freezes at the doors, "Fitz, he's in there. Isn't he?" Skye asks uncertainly, never tearing her eyes from the steel barricades keeping you from him. "Yes, he is. Please don't go in." She pleads softly, looking anywhere but Skye. "I won't. Not yet." Skye promises and starts to walk again as if nothing happened.

She reaches the bunks about five minutes later, goes into her room and sits on the edge of her bed rather heavily. "Here we are. I think yours is the one across the hall." She informs Skye but the girl doesn't seem to listen and instead flops down rather ungracefully onto her bed. "Goodnight, Jemma." She barely makes out what Skye says muffled through the bedclothes and when she does she laughs half-heartedly. "Skye! this is my bed, not yours." She tries to sound angry but she is too sleepy to put up a fight so when Skye pulls her down next to her she snuggles into her and Skye finds her hand in the dark and links it with hers. When Skye thinks she is asleep she presses her lips to her forehead and whispers softly, "I'm glad your okay, Jemma."She would respond but the words were meant for Skye's ears more than hers so she lifts Skye's hand to her face and peppers it with small kisses before they both fall into deep sleep together.


	4. Chapter 4

Day 04

 

She wakes at 9am the next morning and carefully untangles herself from Skye, allowing the girl to sleep in a little bit longer. She stumbles her way to the kitchen and makes some toast and a cup of tea, reminding herself of Fitz's absence once more. When she turns around to walk to the dining area she sees May coming into the room and jumps at the opportunity to plan for her mission. "Agent May, I didn't expect to see you off the bus yet." May gives her a strained look, like maybe her ability to lie isn't quite up to standards and then shrugs, "There was no food left on the bus and I was going to find the new training rooms." She racks her brain trying to think back to her tour with Koenig. "I think it is on the next floor down at the far east side although I couldn't say for sure." May nods to her and gets back to what she is doing. She takes a bite of toast and then clears her throat inconspicuously and tries to start a flow of conversation. "Now that Ward is gone will you be taking over as Skye's S.O?" She looks over at May hopefully but judging by the women's expression she hadn't achieved normal behaviour when trying to hide the true meaning of her words. "It would make sense for me to, assuming that Skye is still interested in being a field agent. Why do you ask?" She can feel the tips of her ears start to turn red and then she starts to ramble, "Oh, no reason. I had imagined that you would take over his role but I felt like I should clarify first because it would be quite embarrassing if I had asked you to train me when you were already going to start training Skye-" May holds up her hand for her to stop and raises an eyebrow looking almost amused. "You want me to train you, Simmons?" She takes a few deep breaths unsure of whether she had remembered to take any while she ranted and then replies in a quiet voice, "Yes. I just thought that maybe if I had the skill set for field work then it would make things a lot easier, is all." May lowers her hand and her expression turns back to stony. "Okay, I'll train you. But you need to dedicate yourself to at least 16 hours of workouts and exercises a week and for somebody without any prior experience in any form of fitness routine don't expect it to be easy. Are you sure you're up for it?" She nods excitedly and mumbles her thanks before getting back to her breakfast. "I'm ready whenever you want to start." May tells her as she walks out of the room.

After breakfast she goes back to her room and has to use all of her willpower not to stop at the med-bay and go to check on Fitz on her way. When she gets there Skye is still asleep and spread out awkwardly across the single bed. She sits down near Skye's head and strokes the girls hair out of her face gently. "Skye, you need to wake up now." She whispers sweetly and feels a smile tug at her lips when Skye groans and rolls over. She leans over and quickly pulls the covers off of Skye who springs up instantly at the sudden cold air and sighs. "Jemma why did you wake me up? It's too early." She laughs at the girls moaning and looks at her clock. "Skye, it's 11 o'clock! Come on, you have to get up at some point." She says in her best commanding voice as she stands up and holds out a hand towards Skye and when said girl takes it she hauls her off of the bed. She hadn't expected Skye to be so heavy and she stumbles backwards slightly before regaining her balance. "I'm starving, where is the kitchen?" Skye asks sleepily, dragging a hand down her face to try and shake off the exhaustion. "It's not far, I'll show you." She says as she starts off down the halls. When she gets to the med-bay she feels Skye slip her hand free of her grasp and watches as she walks over to the doors. She wants to tell her to stop but Skye doesn't even seem to be aware of what she is doing, her eyes are brimming with fear and her feet are leading her through the doors against her will. She doesn't dare to follow the girl and instead slides down the wall curling into herself and waiting for her to come out. When Skye finally emerges she is ghostly pale and has tears in her eyes that refuse to fall. "I'm sorry but I had to see him. He looks so peaceful, like he is just asleep." She looks up as Skye tries to compose herself and whispers dully, "He is sleeping. He just might not wake up." She feels her voice break at the end but gulps down her emotions and rises to her feet. She starts to walk to the kitchen but stops cold when she hears Skye's voice echoing against the damp walls, "Don't say ." She turn back and nods solemnly and waits for Skye to follow her.

Nothing much happens that day, Koenig insists on giving her team a tour of the Playground but Skye refuses and instead goes to the training rooms and takes out as much anger as she can onto a punching bag. She sits at Fitz's side and prays that he will wake up at some point, whether it be sooner or later. She couldn't handle it if he didn't. Later, she goes down to the training rooms and Skye wraps her hands and shows her basic punches so that she can try and loosen up. At first she isn't very fond of it and thinks that it isn't right for her but after about half an hour she starts putting more weight and energy behind her punches and finds the endorphins release exhilarating. Skye has to pry her away from the training rooms an hour later because of how much she is overworking her body but cannot get her to shower no matter how hard she tries to and when she refuses to tell Skye why she won't go near the water the girl pulls her into an embrace before leaving her sitting on the floor in her bunk and going to shower herself. When Skye leaves she does to, wandering aimlessly down the thousands of corridors and staircases trying to leave all of her worries scattered in the darkness surrounding her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but I won't be able to update for the next 4-5 days, comments and kudos are highly appreciated and thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Day 05

 

She is going to start training with May at some point today. She is dreading it in the sense that training is part of her mission, and starting it makes everything too real. This isn't some twisted nightmare that she will wake up from any minute now with Skye by her side and Fitz down in the lab working away, this is real and she needs to accept that fact. But she doesn't, she can't. So she cries instead; in her room in the night when everybody else is sleeping and by Fitz's side in the day where nobody can bare to find her. She screams and sobs for how cruel the world has been to her and for Fitz's wellbeing and for Ward's betrayal. And when she runs out of tears she returns to her room and takes refuge in the blankness of her mind as she sleeps until the nightmares -the untrue nightmares that mix memory with fear and unknown fates -creep up on her and force her to awaken and live her terrors. It is 3:30pm when she manages to compose herself enough to find May and start training but as she walks the lengthily halls of the Playground she has to take a different route to avoid seeing Fitz and makes a wrong turn somewhere making a 10 minute trek into a 40 minute one and by the time she reaches the training areas she is tired and disoriented. When May sees the condition she is in she refuses to train her until she starts to take care of herself in simpler ways such as ensuring that she eats enough and showers. She starts internally freaking out at the prospect of showering because of how badly it had gone the last time that she tried to and the last time that Skye had attempted to make her. May guides her to the kitchen and makes her something to eat and giving her a bottle of water before going back to her training and leaving her alone once more.

Hours later once she is back in her room she hears a knock at the door. When she doesn't move to open it she hears Skye's voice floating through the door, "Jemma, are you in there?" She hears the doorknob shaking and closes her eyes in hopes that Skye will think that she is sleeping and go away. Instead footsteps come closer to her and Skye sits on the floor next to her bed and takes hold of her hand, lacing their fingers together perfectly. After a few minutes she opens her eyes and sees that tears are trickling down Skye's cheeks and uses her free hand to wipe them away. Skye looks up, startled and pulls her hand free as she climbs onto the bed. She moves over to make room for the other girl but stiffens when Skye wraps her into her arms and pulls her as close as she can. It isn't that she doesn't want to be close to Skye but the only other time that they had been this close was the first night that Skye had gotten to the Playground and they were both so emotionally and physically exhausted to notice the intimacy that they were sharing and everything had passed by in such a blur those first two days that she hadn't even remembered it up until now. She slowly relaxes into the embrace and places her hands on Skye's hips to bring her impossibly close but almost instantly Skye starts to pull back from her far enough to see her face properly. "We shouldn't be doing this." Skye whispers softly and she feels the girls breath against her lips as she says it. "Why not?" She asks innocently as she gazes into Skye's eyes and feels a blush rise onto her cheeks when she sees the other girls eyes flicker to her lips. "Because, you're making me really want to do this." Skye whispers huskily as she leans in and presses their lips together gently and quickly before leaning back to see her reaction. She doesn't respond and instead places a hand on the back of Skye's neck and pulls her in again, kissing her sweetly and feeling Skye smile into the kiss with relief.

They must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing she knows it is 11pm and Skye is squirming and murmuring in her arms. She shakes the girls shoulders softly and watches as Skye opens her eyes with a start, only relaxing once she notices her. Skye sighs and sits up before looking over at the clock and muttering "We fell asleep." under her breath. She nods and stands up, gesturing for Skye to follow her lead and when she does they walk out of the room. "Where are we going?" Although Skye asks her quietly the words echo harshly against the stone walls sending a shiver down her spine. "Just to the kitchen, I wanted to get a cup of tea and you haven't eaten dinner yet." Skye hums confirming her statement and they continue their short walk in a comfortable silence. When they reach the kitchen she puts the kettle on as Skye looks for something to eat. The girl grumbles about how all of the food is healthy and just gets a coffee instead. She rolls her eyes at Skye before she remembers something that she had noticed the day before and opened a drawer, crouching down to see the underside of it and finding chocolate bars taped to it. She takes two of them and hands them to Skye who breaks into a massive, childish grin."Jemma! Where did you get these?" She finds comfort in how genuinely happy Skye sounds but represses her smile to give Skye a serious look. "It's Koenig's secret stash, don't get used to it." Skye gives her a salute as she eats and she lets herself giggle at the girls antics as she walks over to the sofa and snuggles into Skye's side as she sips her tea. After they have finished with their drinks Skye turns to her and wraps an arm over her shoulders. "When we lost communications with you and Fitz I thought you were dead. I just froze, you know? I felt so stupid for not telling you how I felt because I never thought that I would get that chance again." She can see how hard it is for Skye to open up to her from the vulnerable and scared look in the girls eyes and kisses her softly on the cheek. "You did get that chance though and I'm so glad you did. I felt the same way when Quinn shot you, watching you dying in front of me and not being able to do anything about it. I was going to tell you once you had recovered, I just didn't have the courage." Skye smiles sadly and squeezed her hand before stretching and getting to her feet. "I'm beat, we should get to bed." Skye says through a yawn and pull her up with her. They walk slowly to her room and she tries not to think about Fitz when they walk past the med-bay and tries to focus her attention on a flickering light at the end of the corridor. She collapses onto the bed with Skye embracing her and falls asleep to the reassuring sound of Skye's heartbeat under her ear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for how long this took, I got really ill for a couple of weeks and my wifi was broken on my laptop. Thank you for sticking with this and I hope you enjoy reading it!

Day 06 

She dreams of being underwater once more, except this time when she gasps for air she can feel it filling her lungs instead of the familiar heaviness of seawater burning through her and tearing her apart like acid. She looks around wildly but tonight Fitz is not present through her terrors which maddens her at first because he is what keeps her striving to the surface, without him she just wants to sink the bottom into the endless darkness tugging her down despite her current struggles. Then a weight drops in her stomach. If Fitz is not here with her then that can only mean one thing, he must already be darkness has started to pull her downwards. She cries but the tears are invisible, instantly bleeding into the sea and being carried far off into the waves. There is only a speck of light now and it's thousands of miles away from her reach and it's slowly disappearing. She screams but the sounds are silent, the emptiness around her depleting them to white noise. There is nothing left anymore and she does not know which direction is up or down as she falls violently in a spiral. She breathes now, it is all she can do as she falls. She is numb and although she breathes she is sure that her heart does not beat, convinced that she is aimlessly trying to power a broken machine. In the back of her mind she heads a steady, constant thumping- but it couldn't possibly be coming from her own heart. -She looks down at her arms and sees that the skin is deathly pale, and there is no blood in her veins. She concentrates on the consistent thumps and lets the sound echo inside of her skull, completely submerging her thoughts. As she focuses she can feel herself start to fade from this private hell and as the sound grows louder and stronger she starts to feel a pounding in her chest that matches the one in her head perfectly. She feels her body jolting slightly with every pump of blood that courses through her and feels the colour returning to her skin as it warms. Lastly she feels the fabric of her pyjamas against her skin and the comforting way her head nods as Skye's chest rises and falls below it and she sighs in relief from having escaped the harsh grips of her subconscious and having returned once more to reality, even if it isn't much of an upgrade. She looks over to the clock and sees that it is only 5am so she burrows down into the covers and tries to fall back to sleep. But she can't do it, her mind is whirling through thoughts like a tornado and her breaths are coming fast and shallow from being in the dark under the covers. She sits and snakes carefully out of the bed so as not to waken Skye. Fitz was dead in her dreams, for all she knows that isn't the only place that he is dead.

She practically sprints down the corridors, the sound of bare feet slapping off tile echoing down the walls and filling the crisp air with a chilling crack. As she runs and stumbles, she can't help but feel more free than she has ever since she first started working and living on the bus. Even on missions that were in wide open landscapes she hadn't felt as though there was as much space and the air hadn't seemed as clear as it does now. Every second of every day she had felt the need to keep her guard up, whether she was out on a mission or in the air flying halfway across the world, soaring through the vast skies. When she thinks about it, she had never felt safe before but for some reason she already feels relaxed and at ease in the Playground. It makes her uncomfortable to be so used to her surroundings already but she doesn't let it dwell in her thoughts because she is already rounding the last corner to get to Fitz. She slams her shoulder into the great steel doors and barges into the room, feeling a slight sting in her shoulder from the impact. There are no doctors in the room, and she can hear the heart beat monitor beeping at a normal speed over the rumble of machinery and as she walks over to the bed she sees that Fitz look the same as usual; peaceful, as though he is just sleeping. She takes hold of one of his hands between hers and bends down, leaving a kiss in the palm and whispering softly "You're okay, I thought you were dead but you're okay." In relief that her nightmares hadn't crossed paths with the waking world, she feels a smile tugging on her lips and lets out a small, piercing laugh of disbelief. Despite what she had thought, he is okay, now all he needs to do is wake up. She wants him to be here with her already but she also feels like she isn't ready to face him yet. When he confessed her love for her, love deeper than the brotherly love she holds towards him, it broke her heart. Because when other people over the years had told them about how they were "Meant to be together." and were "Soulmates." It had never crossed her mind that Fitz agreed with them. Maybe she is meant to be his soulmate but he isn't meant to be hers, which leaves her torn between feeling guilty and selfish for not liking him back and scared that they won't be so close when he does wake up, that maybe he will be too embarrassed about his feelings being verbalized and try to distance himself from her. She feels herself starting to fall back to sleep whilst awkwardly perched on the edge of the bed with her head leaning on the headboard and Fitz hand clamped between hers for dear life.

"Jemma? Jems, you have to wake up now." She grumbles and shifts slightly, feeling a crook in her neck and sitting up slowly. "Has something happened?" She asks sleepily, looking over at Skye who shakes her head firmly. "No, don't worry. I just woke up and you were gone, I got worried." Skye admits, holding her gaze steadily as she speaks. She climbs off the bed gently, landing with a small thud on the ground. "What time is it?" She asks quietly, as though trying not to wake Fitz. "About 1 o'clock. Come on, you need to come with me." Skye replies in a tone equal to hers and reaches out to take her hand. She takes the girl's hand in hers and follows without question as she is lead out of the room and down the hallway to the left. As they keep snaking down different stairways and passages that she isn't familiar with she starts getting suspicious of where Skye is taking her and just as she is about to give in and ask when Skye stops and presses her hand against a panel to activate the door nearest to them. She walks into the room and freezes when she sees where they are: the shower room. She hears the door click shut behind her and watches as Skye steps in front of her and lifts her hand to her lips. "Jemma, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?" Skye asks her in a soft tone and she feels the vibrations of the girls words and breathe tickling her fingers. She gulps audibly and nods her head uncertainly. "Good." Skye whispers and presses a kiss to her hand before turning away from her, slipping off her shoes and walking slowly towards the shower, letting their gripped hands fall apart as she walks further away. As she tries taking her first tentative step forwards she finds herself having to use all of her will to make her body comply with her mind and follow in Skye's footsteps. "It's okay, I'll be with you the whole time." Skye tries to coax and she takes the few more steps until she can take Skye's hand back into her own. With her free hand she opens door and watches as Skye steps into the cubical, tugging on her hand in an attempt to make her follow. "Skye, I can't. Not yet, please don't make me." She tries to plead with the other girl but Skye just shakes her head and presses the water on, a sad sweet smile gracing her lips. She watches as the water soaks Skye through and how comfortable Skye looks under it. She sighs before taking a step forwards and into the edge of the cubicle, the spray of water barely reaching her skin. It feels acidic, like it is burning through her bones and into her skin. Just like in the dreams. But this is reality, nothing in the dreams happens here, so why is the pain so real? She shuts her eyes tightly and blocks out the night terrors, instead thinking of how nice the water should feel on her skin, how nice it had felt up until a week ago. She takes the final step now, and feels the water streaming down her and covering her from head to toe. It doesn't feel so bad this time, now that she is in Skye's arms and the water hides her tears. But the sobs that burst through her are not so easily hidden, so Skye grips her tighter, whispering into her ear softly, "It's okay Jems, I've got you. I promise I won't let you go again." When she looks up through bleary eyes, tears are silently streaming down Skye's face too and make her feel even worse, leading to another wave of violent sobs streaking through her body. They sit like that for at least twenty minutes before the water cuts out, leaving only a few drops to echo against the ceramic floors and walls. But they don't move. Skye moves to lean against the wall and she follows, curled into the taller girls side and grasping at her shirt and hand for dear life.


End file.
